Written by Freelancing Writer and Editor : Olayinka Sodiq

We all have a lot of fundamental assumption about sex, which leads to lots of skewed perceptions about why we’re not getting the love and sex we aspire. Men especially regard sex as a need regardless of who and where it comes from while women assume that sex is only a form of love or intimacy. Meanwhile, both are wrong and get into a lot of relationship troubles.  Our needs psychologically should be explained.


If we do not meet the fundamental psychological needs which every human possess, we suffer severely, the same way we need sleep, shelter, and food to survive. Our psychological needs fulfillment if we are to remain mentally stable and healthy. Our fundamental needs are autonomy, self-esteem, security, and connection. One strategy to meet our psychological needs is the Sex strategy and not a need itself. Sex is awesome, great, and makes us healthier and happier people.  There has never been a report of suicide because of being too horny; suicide occurs because of a lack of self-esteem and connection. Humans generally have evolved the use of sex to meet our needs psychologically and not physically.


Men and women use sex as a means to satisfy different needs which creates a mismatched understanding between them, traditionally, women’s best route to having healthy children and a financially secured future was through marrying a successful man. In the olden days, women use sex as a form of security, and even in today’s world, there is amazing lots of appeal in a man who can provide a stable and secure environment for a woman.  Therefore men on the other hand use sex as a symbol of success traditionally; men are more successful considering how many women a man has slept with which makes men become conditioned to seek sex to fulfill their desire for self-esteem. Therefore men and women fail to create a better understanding and instead criticize each other for needs not met, en thinks women are manipulative and clingy while women think men are desperate and insecure.

Men and women need to develop independently to get their needs met without each other and not Pursue sex for compensation of needs in self-esteem or lack of connection.  The moment you can meet psychological needs with varieties of sources like social, professional, and healthy family life, then sex can be pursued from a place of abundance and power and not desperation and neediness.


Humans have evolved into an involuntarily and yet universal psychological system of emotional attachment, regardless of age, culture or race; we get easily, strongly and deeply emotionally attached for our entire lives which start with a child to its parents.  The increase in serotonin, oxytocin, and decrease in prefrontal cortex activity and drop in testosterone levels are processes designed to get us drunk on love with each other.

Abstract painting of a couple

In some ways, sex is not different from crapping or eating; evolution has entwined the drive for sex with our psychological needs for connection and esteem. They’re linked intimately and cannot be unlinked, no matter how you suppress the need; it keeps soaring back in forms of overcompensation and neediness, and that is why even the most the cold-hearted player has an implosion emotionally at the most unexpected time. It is the reason why women want to be swept off their feet and romanced; it’s why we keep going on a date after date no matter how frustrating the previous one is with nothing to show for it. It’s about emotional and psychological needs. It is always about how we feel about ourselves and not just about sex, and that is the way it has been made by nature, which is not going to change anytime soon.

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